Is is possible to be a bottom in mind, but top in body?

[Deaner]

I'm approaching a crisis in sexual identity, and am wondering if I'm alone in this plight, or if others are able to offer advice.

Physically, I'm a top. I've got a huge cock that nobody can see past once I disrobe. My build and outward appearance is decidedly bearish-to-stocky. My, um, lower digestive tract refuses to cooperate with the concept of being penetrated.

But mentally, emotionally, sexually, I am awakening to physical desires that are decidedly bottom. Actually, downright submissive.

I'm somewhat at a crossroads in life, where I wonder if I should continue the embarrassing and disappointing sham of an existence as a top (and spend the remainder of my days in regret, while disappointing a further string of worthy subs) just to match my physical appearance. Limp cock and all.

Or find a way to learn, transform, and modify myself into a bottom (if that's even possible). Not knowing where to begin, how to proceed, or what methods to persue.

I know this is an extremely broad-ranging topic, but are there any others out there who are in, or have faced a similar situation? Living between two worlds where even 'versatility' is not an option. Where the decision between limp top and unfuckable bottom always just leads to... NO sex at all?

36 years old, by the way. Young enough to hope for the best in days to come, but old enough to know better from past experience.

[rawTOP]

Welcome to Breeding Zone. Great first post!

Have you thought of finding a dominant bottom? They're rare, but they exist. You'd find them primarily in the S/M community. They'd tie you up, dominate you, edge you, and then ride you until you blow your load wherever they want.

Otherwise, I'd say cover up your dick with a jockstrap so guys don't get distracted by it and then find a way to take dick. OR become an oral bottom. OR become an S/M bottom. There are plenty of forms of sex that don't involve fucking.

[Deaner]

Even back when I was good at topping, sex was best when /somebody's/ cock got ignored. Dominant bottoms may be rare, but PUSHY bottoms are all too plentiful... and make my situation that much more uncomfortable.

I've actively been persuing the role of oral bottom. There ain't nothin' you can put in my face that I don't love, lol. Feet, pits, ass and cock... that's been my gold mine for sex lately! But I've learned to keep myself clothed throughout, cuz once they see my dick even the 'str8 married' dudes want to try to get 'versatile' and return the favor. Can't even describe how much that ruins the mood. Once in a blue moon, I find a guy who is cool with me sucking while wearing a chastity cage... but I've learned not to advertise that because it brings out all the guys who want to 'try it on themselves'... and things generally go downhill from there. I'd never say that I get bored with sucking cock, but it always makes me wish I could end it with a good fuck. I'm just 20 years behind the curve on learning how to take cock in my ass. Really wish there was a wikipedia article on what kind of diet/training would help an adult tight-ass like myself learn the stuff that seems to come so naturally to today's young sluts. Even the best blowjob in the world sometimes feels like high school activities when you are REALLY into the guy and your hole is twitching for him.

Glad you mentioned s/m, but that poses another layer of problems for me. Part of it is genuine shyness and fright of the scene (though a definite desire to explore!). But I live in a city where I have a moderate reputation as a top among just enough circles that it feels incredibly odd to advertise this side of me without fear of ruining everything. I've had to rely on semi-anonymous encounters and out-of-town visitors. I am absolutely mortified by the thought of trying to sub out in front of someone who I 'fucked and forgot' ten years ago...

[Deaner]

BTW, being a bear doesn't help. As you know, we can get away with a lot more extra pounds and hairs as tops... but a 35yo guy who's 40 pounds heavy just can't compete with a 20yo who's 10 pounds out of range and labeled 'chubby'. Not to call you out on it, but I've noticed that you yourself have done that on several occasions in the porn threads and it always makes me cringe.

[rawTOP]

Glad you mentioned s/m, but that poses another layer of problems for me. Part of it is genuine shyness and fright of the scene (though a definite desire to explore!). But I live in a city where I have a moderate reputation as a top among just enough circles that it feels incredibly odd to advertise this side of me without fear of ruining everything. I've had to rely on semi-anonymous encounters and out-of-town visitors. I am absolutely mortified by the thought of trying to sub out in front of someone who I 'fucked and forgot' ten years ago...

Actually, it could be a natural progression... Bill yourself as a top who wants to be dominated by a bottom. Doesn't ruin your top persona and makes you a bit of a conquest to them...

As far as the fear aspect - it's important to find s/m playmates who are experienced. S/M done wrong can result in physical injury and even death.

BTW, being a bear doesn't help. As you know, we can get away with a lot more extra pounds and hairs as tops... but a 35yo guy who's 40 pounds heavy just can't compete with a 20yo who's 10 pounds out of range and labeled 'chubby'. Not to call you out on it, but I've noticed that you yourself have done that on several occasions in the porn threads and it always makes me cringe.

I just state the facts. As you say, tops get away with a lot more weight than bottoms - it's just the way it works. HOWEVER, there are guys (some of them ripped muscle boys) who are into fucking chubby bottoms. You won't get as much action as a skinny little twink, but there are guys out there for you...

[MascMountainMan]

Bill yourself as a top who wants to be dominated by a bottom. Doesn't ruin your top persona and makes you a bit of a conquest to them...

This is absolutely true. Lots of very dominant tops really get off on making a top guy bottom for them. It can, with some guys, end up being very physical, rough and demanding (and a hell of a lot of fun).

I just state the facts. As you say, tops get away with a lot more weight than bottoms - it's just the way it works. HOWEVER, there are guys (some of them ripped muscle boys) who are into fucking chubby bottoms. You won't get as much action as a skinny little twink, but there are guys out there for you...

This is also true... there's a sexual niche out there for everyone. For what it's worth, I'd MUCH rather fuck a hot 36 yo bearish guy than a 23 yo twink.

I've personally had a similar kind of problem throughout much of my life. I'm a tall guy with a pretty large build and a decent sized cock, and especially back in my Army days, when I was in pretty good shape, I seemed to be a magnet for bottoms. Still am to some extent, which I think comes from my age and build. That's great when I want to top but not so good when I'm in a bottom mood. Sometimes you just end up having to be pretty direct with the guys approaching you.

I wouldn't worry too much about guys you "fucked and forgot." Everyone's sexual tastes evolve as they age and discover new stuff and old prejudices fall away. And why should anyone care if you're a top or a bottom or versatile or whatever? My general experience has been that the best tops get fucked as well (and vice versa). There's something about knowing how things are supposed to feel for your partner that really leads to some good sex.

Sometimes we overthink sex and forget that it's supposed to be fun. Just go out there are do what comes naturally.

As for learning how to get fucked, my suggestion would be to find a guy with a lot of experience and a lot of patience, preferably as both a top and a bottom. Training your ass to open up just takes time and practice. The good news is that practice is a lot of fun

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more.